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Welcome to the inside of my brain. Here, I share experiences, tips, tricks and fun things I've learned during my weight loss journey. 

  • Gail Ballin

"I do running..."

It's funny how things work out. A few months ago, when I launched my Healthy Momma Bee (HMB) blog, I was daydreaming about where HMB could go in terms of size and followers and I casually mentioned to Robby about how awesome it would be if I could get a spot on TV to promote the site and speak about my weight loss success. At the time, I thought it would be the perfect venue for my message to be dispersed to the masses and let them know that if I could lose the weight then anyone could do it.

Seriously. We really had that conversation.

About 8 weeks later I got a call from the public relations director for the YMCA in my city. She heard about my weight loss through a contact at the Y that I attend and wanted to know if I was interested in being featured in a news story about exercise and weight loss. It was in the middle of my workday and I literally jumped up from my desk and started dancing around my office. In a calm, cool, collected voice I responded "of course, I'd be happy to."

I was calm on the outside but screaming "YES!!!!!" as loud as possible on the inside.

I'll admit that on the day of the shoot I was a bit nervous. I was wearing my workout clothes (which aren't the most flattering) and was prepared to exercise in front of the camera. WHAT WAS I THINKING?? I even asked the cameraman whether the camera really added 10 lbs or if it was only an old wives tale. He laughed and didn't really give me a definitive response. UGH.

The camera was set up and we shot the segment. I took a deep breath and tried my best. The story aired a few days later.

I was actually at the gym when the segment aired. Robby brought it up live on his phone as we were setting up our bikes. I remember feeling so nervous. I saw myself on the tiny screen and my initial thoughts were:

"OMG, my arms look like batwings."

"Seriously, I should have worn SPANX"

"Is that a piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth?"

"My voice is so annoying. Why does anyone want to talk to me?"

"I didn't smile once."

"I do running? Seriously? Who says that? What language do I speak? OMG!?"

Yup. Somehow, I actually made it to television and the very first thoughts that ran through my mind were sponsored by my very own Negative Ninny (NN). I just hate when she pops in unexpectedly like that.

After class I decided to watch the online feed and look at it from a completely different perspective. I wondered what it would be like if I viewed the feature as if I was looking through someone elses eyes. When I did, I saw myself in a completely different way. I saw how thin my legs were and how great my hair looked. For the first time, I noticed that my stomach was more toned that I realized. I smiled. I did great. I REALLY DID GREAT!

In hindsight, I think that I was disgusted with myself for so long that I fell into a mindset that automatically went to negative thinking. I've done a fairly good job keeping Negative Ninny at bay on a daily basis; however, watching myself on TV gave NN the impression that it was OK for her to take over again. That's just not acceptable.

Moving forward, I'm going to attempt to see myself as others see me - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I worked hard. I look great. I feel fantastic and I deserve the recognition that I've earned.

Even with all of that, I still can't believe I actually said..."I do running...." LOL <smile>

Here's a link to the feature, just in case you're interested:

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