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Welcome to the inside of my brain. Here, I share experiences, tips, tricks and fun things I've learned during my weight loss journey. 

  • Gail Ballin

Mind over Matter.

I recently had a mindset shift that I felt compelled to share, because I was really blown away by it.

As I’ve mentioned in recent blogs and videos - I decided to join a High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) class at my local YMCA. There was a lot of hype around it and many of my friends tried it in the past and were seeing results. I felt like I was at a place in my journey where I wanted to challenge myself more - I wanted to move myself to the next level to see what my body was capable of. I thought I was strong enough - I thought I was ready both physically and mentally. But as it turns out, I wasn’t ready. Not at all.

The very first class I attended made me want to throw up. Literally. My heart rate got up to an all time high and I pushed myself to the point of nausea - which was astonishing given that my physical capabilities at the time were barely mediocre compared to my peers. I left the first class feeling defeated. I remember thinking “I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I was better than this…what the hell was I thinking? You can’t do this!”

The first few classes were rough. I found that I had muscles I never realized existed and they hurt. Every square inch of my body hurt and I hated going to class. I regretted my decision and cursed myself every time I walked into the training room for class. I told my instructor how much I hated it - the negativity was seeping through my veins and eating through my resolve. However, in those moments I didn’t realize how negative and self-defeating I had become.

During my drive home from our Monday class last week I thought about my attitude and my negativity around class. I processed how I was feeling and realized that I was being too hard on myself. I expected myself to be at a much higher physical level than I was - but in doing so, I failed to realize that I am in the best physical shape of my life and that by the end of this 8 week class - I will be even stronger, faster, more agile. I had to own that, so as difficult as it was, I accepted it.

I also had to let go of the negativity because it was holding me back from pushing myself to my full potential. The negativity is like a weight around our ankles - pinning us to the ground when we want to move forward. I had to unpin myself so I could improve. Until I let go of it, I was destined to stay stagnant - and that’s NOT what I wanted to get out of this program.

I made up my mind to let go of the fear of failure; I decided to let go of feeling self conscious and comparing myself to the other members of the class. They are there to work on themselves - not to judge me. How was I going to do it? I was going to shut down my negative ninny - that negative self talk that strums around in my mind - and focus on cheering myself on - not beating myself up.

My focus was going to change and I was going to be centered on my skills, my endurance, my abilities.

Before the next class - my instructor asked me how I was doing and I told her I was OK. I said that I was going to move past the mental block and try to give it my all. That was 1 week ago today and I can openly admit that the last 3 classes have been so much better. I feel stronger and more confident. I’m trying moves at higher levels and taking modifications when I need them. I am pushing myself harder, feeling proud of my accomplishments and I’ve stopped tearing myself down when I don’t get something right or can’t do all of the reps. I know I’ll get there with time.

Next week are sign ups for the next 8 weeks of session and while I thought I’d never do it again - I’m actually considering it. WHY? Because I’d like to see how far I can push myself - how much further I can go. I’ve changed my mindset from feeling defeated to feeling empowered.

It makes a tremendous difference.

I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. We all struggle with feelings of self doubt, frustration and negativity especially when it comes to taking care of ourselves. If you’re feeling this way, know that you can break out of your negative mindset and move forward.

Mind over matter. Only you have the power to change.

Bee healthy. Bee happy. Bee awesome.

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