My Motherless Mothers Day
Yesterday marked two months since my mothers passing.
Today is Mother’s Day.
Next Friday would have been my mother’s 72nd birthday.
This is a very rough week for me.
This same time last year, my mom was here with us. I remember enjoying her company and the happiness she exuded when she was with us. I have a video of us gathered around the dining room table singing her happy birthday.
I smile when I think of preparing her birthday cake and having to use a set of candles from Josh’s 18th birthday because I thought we had candles at home, but didn't. When she saw them, she laughed and said she was happy we didn’t mistake her for being 81. I remember watching her blow them out feeling grateful for her and the love and light she brought to my world.
I never thought that I’d be here a year from now without her.
Oddly, this week, Robby came across a box of old pictures that were stashed away in a corner under a table in our living room. In the box were pictures from my parents wedding - she was radiant. Beaming. Beautiful. There were also pictures of her with my kids when they were younger - there was one of her holding Juliana in her arms lovingly; another with her playing on the floor with Josh. Mom was vibrant and such an integral part of our lives - and in that moment, I felt as if she was still with me.
The pictures were a great reminder of our relationship and how fortunate I was to have her close when I was raising my children. She taught me how to be a good mother - putting love and care above else, ensuring the we sat down to dinner overnight and talked about our days.
As II was thinking of our many times together, I continued sifting through the memories when I found a card at the bottom of the small box. It was a Mother’s Day card dated May, 1999. It was from my mother.
In that moment, I wondered if it was divine intervention as I was feeling despondent. Sorry that that she wasn’t here this year and selfish because all I could think about was my loss. I opened the card and there was a simple message stated, “You’re a wonderful daughter….and especially on Mother’s Day, I wanted you to know how much you are loved, Mom”
I can’t explain why a box that sat unnoticed for so long was finally opened or why a card from 1999 would be in it; but, I can tell you that in that momentI felt her presence and it was the greatest gift I could have received - other than having her here with me.
For those of us who are motherless on Mother’s Day - I think we need to change perspective. Our mom’s may not be with us physically, but they are still with us, all around us, in our hearts and in our lives. It’s heartbreakingly sad for us to not be able to call them, talk to them, hug them. We will miss them - eternally.
I am blessed have incredible friends who have called and texted me this morning. They wish me a Happy Mothers Day, sharing their hearts and their love and they tell me that I should spend today doing what she loved most. They've got a great point, so today, I'll be getting a non-fat Venti Vanilla Latte from Starbucks and spending some time with my beautiful daughter. My son is in Florida for the summer and I will miss him - but we had some FaceTime this morning and I appreciated that. He knows he has my heart - and I will see him in a few weeks.
I think I'll also
buy a gardenia bush and plant it in my garden. It was one of her favorite flowers.
For those of you who are fortunate to still have your mom - make sure to spend time with her. Hug her, kiss her cheek - tell her how much you love her. Each day is a blessing that should not be taken for granted. Talk to her about her life and all the things you’ve been curious about. Reminisce about your younger years and the good times you had. It’s such meaningful conversation.
To all of us with children - whether they be big or small - this is as much a celebration for them as it is for us. They will celebrate their good fortune to have us as their moms and we will celebrate our gratitude to have them for our children. Healthy, happy young people who have held our hearts since the moment we first knew of them.
Happy Mother’s Day - to all.