There Are No Hills Without Valleys.
I’ll start this blog with an apology as it only seems fit to say “I’m sorry” for not being around lately. I haven’t had much time for writing, let alone keeping up with my social media obligations. However, I need to say “I’m sorry” to myself as well because in neglecting my writing, I’ve also neglected myself.
Sharing my blogs and additional weight loss information has been a source of strength and motivation for me. While it makes me happy to help others, it also helps me stay accountable and on track with my goals. It keeps me honest.
The last few months have been challenging for me for multiple reasons. My job has become very demanding and I’m working long hours. I feel tired and drained at the end of the day. As an emotional eater - I tend to use food as a way to cope with stress. While I exercise, when I’m under significant stress, I still pacify anxiety with food from time to time. The higher the stressor the more apt I am to eat. Lately, my stress level has been higher than it has been in years.
In addition, I’ve not been feeling well. Over the last 8-10 months, I have been experiencing lower back pain that has been progressively getting worse. It’s gotten so bad that there have been mornings where I couldn’t even bend down to tie my shoes so I could get to the gym.
Even with the pain, I tried to stay on track with my fitness goals. I would go to the gym when I felt up to it, and stayed in bed when I couldn’t move. It was so debilitating in the fall that I had to drop the boot camp class that I was so excited to participate in. My primary thought it was either the aging process or that I hurt myself in class, but I had a funny feeling it was more.
It turns out that I have a condition called Adenomyosis, which is similar to endometriosis. Here’s a link to the Mayo Clinics definition if interested: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adenomyosis/symptoms-causes/syc-20369138 It’s often misdiagnosed, which was somewhat reassuring. It is not a serious condition, but it can be extremely painful, which was incredibly validating.
I got completely off track. Weeks went by when I stopped logging my food. I would exercise and then rationalize additional calories because I burned so many off. I lied to myself and didn’t pay attention to what I was eating - and then the holidays hit.
I finally stepped on the scale earlier this week and was amazed that I didn’t gain more than I did. However, it was a wake-up call. I realized a few things:
Nothing is more important than taking care of me. I need to keep that perspective so I carve out time for the things that are important in life.
I need to find healthier ways to cope with my stress besides food and exercise. I’m going to start writing again and reconnecting with friends and picking up a few hobbies. I need more time for me.
It’s OK for me to slow down when I don’t feel well. It’s not the end of the world if I miss a day at the gym. Sometimes relaxing is just as important as moving.
It’s time to be kinder to myself - I’m so good to others, but so hard on me. I need to work on that.
We can’t have hills without valleys - this is part of life and part of my journey. This won’t be the last time I struggle, the sooner I learn that, the sooner I can catch myself and get back on track.
Bee healthy. Bee happy.